That Bites!

So do not fear for I am with you…Isa 41:10 NIV

Six teeth and many, many days ago, I was facing the extraction of six teeth after having already gone through four removals in the prior year. And I was feeling much pity for my own party.

The fact that I held a deep, very real fear of dental processes of any kind, facing major, knock you out because-it's-so-yucky surgery did not make matters any better. Plus, the fact that I genuinely believe in my heart that God created me, and with a blink of His holy eye, He could "re-create" my teeth while I was sound asleep in my bed served my growing anxiety and anger about the whole situation very well.

I am sure of the contributing factors now but wouldn't allow myself to consider them at first. Years of drinking soda, poor hygiene (oh, that one hurts because I didn't even know I was brushing wrong!), stress, medications, genetics (thanks, Dad!), lack of annual cleanings, and all-around excuses and denial all brought me right here to this moment.

Since I wasn't in the right frame of heart to look at all those ugly contributors, I went with the pity thing. And, no surprise here, I found myself experiencing fear, sadness, anger, stress, doubt, loneliness, sorrow, emptiness, and judgment. Thought I was kidding you about my dental phobia? And just how did the word judge get onto that list? Well, I guess we all need someone else to blame if we don't want to be responsible for the things happening in our lives, right? Even if we blame God!

So then, for all those reasons, I was there, and that was the myriad of emotions I was grappling with. So this moment in my journey became not only about facing a fear or the health of one part of my body but also about my adversely affected emotional health and my thought life. Pretty big deal all the way around, to me.

I remember listening to one of my favorite Christian musical groups a couple of days before my surgery to a song called "I Need Thee." Afterward, I wrote this my journal; "I need thee; what an appropriate song for me at this moment. I need thee, God, to reach way past my humanness, my vanity, and my poorly orchestrated self-pity. It weighs on me. It angers me, and it tempts me to rebel in my heart.

So, what then did I want? I wanted a healing miracle or a vast windfall to get all my dental work done at once, including newly implanted teeth and beautiful white ones at that. I wanted to be well and beautiful, with the least amount of pain possible. Yup, that's it. I wanted the perfect answer!

You see, I have struggled with my smile all my life, from being teased relentlessly at school for my bucked teeth to having very crooked teeth as a young adult. Now that they were older, though, they were unattractive.

I would feel the smiles on the inside but was always careful about when I allowed them to show on the outside. To make things more complicated, all the things I felt seemed very real on the one hand and very superficial and vain on the other. What a battle!

I remember thinking about scriptures that so clearly state that He knows the plans He has for me, plans for my good, not evil. His compassion never fails; all things are possible for Him, and he will restore. That's part of His heart for me. Dwelling on those scriptures brought me comfort and, somehow, that peace that passes our understanding.

When surgery day arrived, I went. No, they did not have to hog-tie me and throw me into the back of the truck; I went willingly! I sat through the final review of the diagnosis and the process. I was told this would be a 2-3-hour surgical procedure and that I would receive cadaver bone. (I informed my sisters it was a big toe bone because I always seem to have my foot in my mouth anyway!) Before I knew it, I was going home with five fewer teeth, much gauze, and intense pain pills.

How did it turn out? I went for a follow-up appointment, and I was told by my dental surgeon that never in his practice of 13 years had he EVER seen anyone heal as quickly as I had! No swelling, bruising, rejection from the transplant, dry socket, nothing. Nothing! I had taken only two pain pills; if you knew me up close and personal, you would know that was a miracle. Give birth? No problem. Tooth pain? Forget it.

But as I prepared for rounds two and three of this process, I was r-e-a d-y! I had much less fear of future surgeries or emotional upheaval about the prospect of it all. I was actually looking forward to the end of the whole challenge.

Whew, I am so grateful for my great big God, who cares about even my little, tiny issues. Even though I've since learned that dental work and facing fears are ongoing experiences, I am never alone with Jesus. And when it's all said and done for me on earth and in heaven, I will smile, smile, and smile while giving Him all the glory. Now there's a huge revelation to chew on! Would you pass me an apple?